so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
