Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
