Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
