well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You need Xanax blowdarts
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
