now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
