you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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