On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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