they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
