i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
