$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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