you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
