It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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