The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
