if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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