Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
