my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
