Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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