Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
