Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
