Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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