..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize