Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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