By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
