Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
