you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
