i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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