Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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