I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize