Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
