do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize