Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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