The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
