3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize