Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
