We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
