Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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