I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
