so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
