All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
