We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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