So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
