If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
