Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
false alarm. still invincible.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
