You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
