Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize