I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
