Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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