I love black thongs
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
