last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
