One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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