I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
