My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
