I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize