Only a mothe r could love this liver
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
