haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
