Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
