Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
