God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
