he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize