i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
