Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
