I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
