i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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