When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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