Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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