Im at strip club and am horny
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
