Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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