isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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