bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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