My room smells like vodka and shame
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
