woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
