one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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