I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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