:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize